went for trng at smb just now. realised that i cant play very well already. no ball sense. cant really spike and recieve. someone kill me. i feel so lousy now. arghs. haha

anyway finally saw weijie after like 8days? haha. missed him lots. very glad to have him there. he sent me to smb and waited for my trng to end leh. well it might sound silly cos he didnt rlei have anything to do for 4 hours besides staying in the arcade, but well, its the thought that counts. he sent me home. =)

i am very afraid that i might not be able to adapt to the new environment. really. somehow i dont feel that the people living ard me are the kinds that i like. hmm. i dont know how to put it to words. it is just a feeling that i get. but they are nice people la i have to say. how. im feeling scared already.

oh ya, ben sent me home last night. first time i saw him. haha. well, he offered to send me home la. and i didnt rlei mind. hee. very bad right. nice person la. shyshy. oh, not forgetting nice CAR. haha. and can choose song oso! haha. mean person right. wadever. but he knows that i have a bf.

nothign much to blog. suddenly dont feel like writing anything. hmm im talking rubbish. making no sense. tue will have competition at tampines sports hall. haha at 845 pm leh! dont think i will be gg back to hall ba. mayb will be going to wj's house to stay for the night. =) hopefully i can and no one finds out. from my family i mean. haha

sometimes i feel so restricted. why?!

trapped

[[ . ]]* |1:04 AM|

time check! its alr 245am and im still online. got my notebook today!!! yeah!!! fijitsu S7020 or sth la. it costs like 2.6K with upgrade and 5%gst. damn freaking expensive la. but its really not bad. im loving it now. haha. heng nv buy the IBM one now. it looks damn orbiang la. but i know if i don take good care of this, sure die one lor haha.

camp has been damn bloody boring la! cant stand it. everything seems so sian. esp our group. at least i know my level seniors are nice people. we were all talking in my room since 1am just now, together with mae and sab. =) they are really funny and frank. not bad.

oh ya, i have this senior whos not bad! haha as in, he's the typical guy that i like la. tall about 177, small silt eyes, humourous, alot of things about him that attracted me. nice person to talk to. glad i have a senior like him! he's taking ME too. haha suddenly i feel tt everything seems to be so sian. hmmm

missing him now. maybe its because i have seen him like everyday last week? anyway its friday alr. i want to see him tomorrow. sound love sick? maybe i am.

ok, its late and i seem to be rambbling on and on about useless and rubbis stuff. my eyes are half closed and i have to wake up at 615!! someone help me. haha. i will write a better post the nxt time i update. my eyes are now 7/8 closed! byes! =)

[[ . ]]* |2:53 AM|

time check! its alr 245am and im still online. got my notebook today!!! yeah!!! fijitsu S7020 or sth la. it costs like 2.6K with upgrade and 5%gst. damn freaking expensive la. but its really not bad. im loving it now. haha. heng nv buy the IBM one now. it looks damn orbiang la. but i know if i don take good care of this, sure die one lor haha.

camp has been damn bloody boring la! cant stand it. everything seems so sian. esp our group. at least i know my level seniors are nice people. we were all talking in my room since 1am just now, together with mae and sab. =) they are really funny and frank. not bad.

oh ya, i have this senior whos not bad! haha as in, he's the typical guy that i like la. tall about 177, small silt eyes, humourous, alot of things about him that attracted me. nice person to talk to. glad i have a senior like him! he's taking ME too. haha suddenly i feel tt everything seems to be so sian. hmmm

missing him now. maybe its because i have seen him like everyday last week? anyway its friday alr. i want to see him tomorrow. sound love sick? maybe i am.

ok, its late and i seem to be rambbling on and on about useless and rubbis stuff. my eyes are half closed and i have to wake up at 615!! someone help me. haha. i will write a better post the nxt time i update. my eyes are now 7/8 closed! byes! =)

[[ . ]]* |2:45 AM|

hmm its wednesday already. i can move into the hall starting tomorrow. time really flies. and i feel that i am unable to catch up. i havent packed my things and i am meeting him later.

i think i am pmsing right now. nothing seems right. i keep looking at the negative side of things. even he could tell that there's something missing in me. worrying and thinking about unnecessary issues. i did not tell him wad was it about because i have no idea what i was thinking about too. i just said that everything in my head seemed to be on the fast forward mode and the images are just flashing past. think this got him worried. haha. but well. sometimes i pity guys. they have to tolerate the nonsense that their girlfriends are throwing at them. but that doesnt mean that guys do not have mood swings too ok! haha. for one thing, i know that he has. sometimes. but he's learning to control that.

oh ya. there was one night he messaged me some stuff. something about trust. he said that as long as there is trust, nothing will or can come between us. and he asked me if i could promise him about this trust and not to misuse the trust between us. i said yes. i am very gald that he is thinking this way. really. i was pleasently surprised. =) told charlene about it. she said that it was the most sensible thing that he has said so far. also, she was happy for us. haha. she said that i have grown up. i hope that i have. =) i dont want this trust to disappear because of something stupid that either of us did. it would not be fair to the other person.

no thanks to kailin that she said i will be tempted in university. and to look at the number of guys that have expressed interest in me. i am not saying that im pretty or whatsoever. what she was trying to say was that in university, there would be even more guys around. and if they are all blind like those who are interested in me, then too bad. hahaha. great! right after i told her about what wj told me. lol. but i dont blame her. i mean she has known me for like what, 7 years already? i am sure she knows me better than that. haha. but yup. im afraid of it too. i will be staying in hall, having classes with classes that has only 5gals out of 20? hmm mayb the ration is not that bad. but u get what i mean. they will always be somewhere near me and i will see them almost everyday. those in hall are even worse. haha. even at night!! hmmm. i am not so desperate to have rushed into the relationship with wj. it was just something that i wanted to be. haha. hmm. ya.

i am NOT talking sense in this entry. why am i even blogging?! arghs.

[[ . ]]* |10:24 AM|

hmmm. im feeling rather empty now. pms? haha i have no idea. the thought of moving into the hall excites and scares me. excited because i will be meeting new friends, scary because i will have to be independent. and i dont really want to be. haha yes, i have been very pampared throughout the whole 19 years of my life. having a maid since young, a family tt dotes on me (i was the only child for 6 yrs, so imagine the attention), enough money to live comfortably. i wouldnt say that im rich. just enough for my family to pass. and im happy with that. hmm imagine someone who makes ur bed every morning, washes your clothes, cooks for u, cleans the messiest room in the world, blahblahblah. i guess i would not be able to enjoy all these when im staying in the hall. wad about sneaking my maid there every wkend to help me clean up? hahaha. i think my dad will murder me. ya wadever.

will be heading down to OG albert in the afternoon to get some stuff. PILLOW!! bedsheets, clothes. and lots of other rubbish. and best of all, im not the one paying! wahaha. i have been spending like no body's business man. and i still want to shop. somehow retail therapy doesnt work well for me ya. haha. too bad then.

after reading chio nut's and kailin's blog, i dont know why, but i feel lost. like i dont know where am i heading, what am i going to do, no plans for the future. i feel so aimless. sometimes i will ask myself why am i studying in a university, why am i even taking engineering course when i have totally NO interest in physics? i think its because of my family. its not a very nice feeling to get into primany, jc and uni with the help of my father. im not ashamed of him or what. in fact, i am proud of him. but i really dont want to depend on my father for everything. make me feel useless and stupid. like i cant do things on my own. i dont know how to express what im feeling. im not very good with words. ya. i supposed i have been too spoonfed. i dont deny.

kl made me realise that money and looks arent everything. she has to take a bank loan or sth to pay for her fees. but i dont have to. cos my dad is able to afford. im not comparing. seriously. my dad has been telling me repeatly how lucky i am that he is able to afford me thru uni. when he was my age, he was bothered about how to pay his school fees, and no time for all these sstupid outings im gg to. i am not spendthrift. but i will spend when i want to. erm. dono how to say la. but u get wad i mean. haha. kailin i miss you!!! do u read my blog? haha. ya. anyway pls wake me up soon.

i need a purpose in life. someone help me.

[[ . ]]* |12:26 PM|

met beisi yesterday! hahaha. so happy! we had so much to talk about!! and as usual we took photos. it was very fun. i always have alot of fun when im with her. she's like another of my twin. i love her!! took so many photos oso. haha but all looked the same. bought an esprit top for 19.90. not bad la. wanted to get an adidas top too. it was 29bucks. material soso. ure paying for the brand. i wanted to get. mayb i will get it soon. haha. i like adidas!! at least its addordable. =) all tank tops. my shoulders are so bloody broad. and i have no idea why i like to wear tank tops. shit. haha. well like wad one of my fren said, wear them with confidence!!

will be mtg my ex IDA colleagues and jy for lunch later at chimes. hmm i havent been there b4! haha we'll be having jap lunch. i hope tt they will pay. hee. then will be heading to dear's house. watching freaky friday! hmmm might stay over for dinner? depends on wad time la. dad's coming home today!

lots of thoughts flowing in my mind. too many to list out. i will be able to check into hall nxt wkend. im so excited, yet sad. mixed feelings totally. running late alr. will try to list them down slowly when i have the time. haha =)

some photos that we took at the zoo and at cine. lol






i dono why but i love this pic!! =)




yes yes me acting vain. haha.


he is just so greedy!! drinking and eating! lol

[[ . ]]* |10:44 AM|

woohoo! went shopping yesterday with fren! hahaha. we were really SHOPPING! i bought like 8 tops for 130bucks. haha erm but i think i will not wear half of them la. i just thought tt they were very nice. like the top frm mango. it cost $23. UP was $49. siao. the sequiens were vv nice. it was heavy la. but who cares. i liked it alot. haha. then 2 striped tops. one frm mango, one frm ebase. the ebase one was white and red. haha. material like towel. very comfy. only $10. the other one was pink and orange. but it was horizontal stripes. opps! rx said it looked fine. get something different cos the cut behind was nice. hmm then it was ZARA. omg i bought 4 tops there. 3 basics. sleeveless and the straps were abit thin. but casual la. who cares what u wear to school?! and it was cheap too. $12.90. bought black, purple and tourquise. and a black spag top for $16.90. i think thats only for like clubbing. but ya. depends again. haha. and lastly, an adidas top. 29bucks. i like it! not bad. haha. =)

met fred and wj for dinner. at coffee club express. omg spend 20 bucks on dinner. haha alright la. quite boring. oh ya. one thing, wj is damn bloody quiet sometimes. i dono wads he thinking. and it can get irritating sometimes. i am alr very patient. i hope he doesnt make me cross tt limit. yup.

mtg bs ltr. mayb shopping and talk la. lol. havent talked to her in a long time. haha. i bet we have alot of things to say. hahaha. i wan to buy alot of things. shoes, clothes, accessories. arghs. can it rain money soon? *prays* hahaha.

[[ . ]]* |1:04 PM|

hmm lets talk abt the zoo trip first. hahaha it was FUN! =) not bad la. but the rain was a total spoiler. i hated it! made me and him hide under the shelter for more than an hour! arghs. we took over a 100 pictures! omg. so rubbish. stupid shots and all. i was surprised that he actually wanted to take photos! hahaha. but ya. it was really not bad! =) dont want to elaborate. haha

talked to sl online on sunday. big mistake. but then again, part of me was happy. he saw my display pic and asked if tt was my bf. i said yes. then he said'somebody missed the chance'. i was like WHO! he didnt reply me aft tt. so i told him to give me a call if he had time. i guess i had things to tell him. ok, he called at night and we talked for 2 whole hours!!! which seemed like only 20 min! time always flies when i talk to him. i dono why. haha. i look at it as a good sign.

talked about alot of stuff. like why he so bo chap me, why did he ignore me, why did he sound so sian when replying to my msges and all, blahblah. call me niave, but i choose to believe wad he says. i guess the image i potray him to all my friends were very bad. but the fact is that he is not that bad. really. he's a very nice person. just tt during tt period, he actied like a villian. haha. i choose to believe him cos i felt tt he was sincere in some ways. i told him tt the 2 months were like hell for me. and that when i was talking to wj, i did tell him abt sl. den sl said, don mind me being bold, but was i the reason u rushed into the r/s? i thouhght for a while and said, partly. which was true. we talked about alot of things. and he said that he felt guilty abt himself. he thought tt i wasnt the kind who rushes. i mean i AM NOT. but he was just not giving me any direction! like giving me sian replies when i msg? i dont like it. it reli sucks. and tt now he diesnt want to be the 3rd party to come and break us up. even though he knew he could. i was like wtf when he said tt la. but nvm..

he made an analogy about us. we were both travelling at 60km/h, suddenly he zam brake, i accelerated, he couldnt catch up. ya.. so thats wad happening now. another one was tt a boat could only hold 2 persons. me and him were the 2 at first. den he alighted. wj boarded. and he's stranded. he doesnt want to make the boat sink. haha i was laughing when he said tt. but hmm. hahah. he told me tt he told his mum last time that on his 21th bdae this yr, there'll be another person to cut the cake with him. u know, i always thought that the person would be me. how nice right. i still am hoping. but ya, i think its no point. then, this time, he was gg to tell his mum, ma, ta you nan peng you le. wo tai chi le... i felt xin suan. shit. like why did i rush into the r/s with wj? i only knew him for 3 days before we got tgt! omg..

ok fine. wj is a very nice and caring person. but how long can we last? i dont rlei see us gg far. u cant blame me for looking a little ahead now right? im almost 20! and i have to think for the future. not just short term few months. if its the few months, ok, i can see myself with wj. but for the following years? im not sure. what i know is that i would have a much better future with sl. or will i? hmmm. i dono. but his thoughts and actions are what i like and can relate to. which is good. he's just like another lene, jo, kl to me. talking to him is nv boring and he always keeps me entertained! he's more experienced and more matured in a way. really. not tt i want to compare. but sometimes i feel that wj is alittle to childish. in his thoughts? i dont know.

i talked to lene abt this whole shit 2 nights ago. she's supportive in a way. cos i told her tt sl said tt he will wait. i want to see how long he will or can wait. its also like a test of his sincerity? hahaha. i dono wad im talking about now. i just need someone to knock some sense into me and wake me up. can we turn back time? i really want to go with sl. oh ya. he said he will meet me tonight aft he books out. but i guess he will put me aeroplane again ba. haha. not surprising. i told him that. he asked me to trust him. *thinkshard* haha. i really want to meet him, to know my feelings once and for all. whether i like him or not. whether we can click as well face to face like when on the phone, whether the attraction is there. if i have met and yes, i do like him, den he can be 'back up'. mean i know. but he was the one who said tt he can wait! haha. ok, then if i dont like ( which is highly unlikely), then too bad for both of us.

-------------------------------------------

2 nights ago, wj went nuts. he was like shd be let me go or not. cos i have too many activities planned up and ltr have no time for him. and i always have to ask him if i should go for this or that. he thinks tt he's tieing me down. hmm sometimes i think he does. but thats not the point. cos i did make the effort to at least meet him or sth. i know if it was ken, i couldnt be bothered much ok. but he has to understand tt i cant go out as i would like to and tt my parents are just damn bloody strict. then he kept saying that he was complicated and all. struggling everything himself. then i said, thats where ur gf comes in right? like to help u and all. tt dumbdumb said that no one will ever understand him. arghs. i feel like boxing him! hahaha. but ya. i dont want him to feel like tt. its not nice and he got frustrated with himself cos of that. that he couldnt put his point across to me. i asked him to think simple. talk about it. he said he would rather type cos he's afraid tt the words will come out the wrong way. fine. i was at the stupid comp until 330? he made me cry. and he's the first guy who ever made my cry. ok, mayb not CRY cry, but tear. shit man. then the next day, he said sorry. sorry that he said all those to me. and that he loves me. alrights. once is enough. i dont wan to go thru this again. he shd be mature enough to think about it. i donwan to keep telling him, keep reassuring him. thats one thing i know sl wouldnt do.

conversations with sl was so different. we really talked about anything under the sun. he's chatty like me. he said he was shy. haha i laughed man! also, its difficult to find someone whom u can really click with. that i have to agree 100%. i feel very comfortable talking to him. everything just seems to fit in place. ya. nvm . wait till i meet him first.

[[ . ]]* |12:20 PM|

i feel that im worrying too much about us. hmm i dono how to say this but yup. its just a feeling that i have. mayb we dont know each other well enough. but we've been tgt for like one wk plus. and the time spent tgt with him was much more than what i have spent with kenny in the 2 months. hahaha. yes.

he msged me: hmm baby, im stil not sure which or how is a better choice to treat you. shd i keep asking you out or let you go out with your frens. if u wana go out with me must let me know ok? don always let me make the decision for u hao ma? cos all i wan is for u to be happy darling.

hmm im not sure how or why, but im alr very happy that he bothered to tell me about such stuff. cos mayb i DO keep asking him to make the decision for me. im afraid that he's unhappy and i dont want him to be. really. im afraid that he will be angry or unhappy that i am not spending time with him. cos i seem to be spending time with my friends. haha. not sure why but i dont have this prob when i was with ken. mayb i took him for granted and couldnt be bothered much about how he feels? yup. i guess so. haha. ok thats not the point. the point now is that wj is bothering to tell me how he feels.

i will be meeting him later for dinner. hmm i have to admit that we do not really have any common topics to talk about. but i do feel very confortable when i am with him. so much so that i dont find the need to have any common topics for now. i told lene. she said there will bound to be problems coming up soon. i dont deny. cos i have to be realistic. nothing will so smoothly as planned. just have to be prepared. i guess he's trying to change for the better too. like try not to tie me down? i dont want him to and im sure he knows that too. he's understanding enough to ask me to try out new stuff like staying in halls. =) COMPROMISE. thats what we're doing. i told him that. and he said that he thinks that he will be doing the compromising more den i would be. i want BOTH of us to be compromising and not only one sided.

dear, i really am falling for u as the days pass. and i dont want any of these to end. but we do have to keep am open mind.

i have no idea why i just typed that. he doesnt even know that i have a blog! wad the hell. hai. but yup. i am falling fast. help.





[[ . ]]* |12:03 PM|

met him on fri aft my camp, and got caught by my grp mates! hahah they saw me across the road. so cannot reli see him tt well. haha. heng. we wanted to watch all about love? ya. but it was sold out! haha. so we decided to take bus rides. we took 7 to clmenti! and had dinner there. saw meiqing. and yes, my SP was frm her grp. -_-. don bother. haha.

then we took 7 back to my house. omg tt took like 2 whole hours man!! but i enjoyed every moment of it. he was very nice and caring. he knew i was tired and kept asking me to sleep. his arms wraped ard me. it was v comfortable! hahaha. yes and i did doze of at some points. he was si xin enough not to move alot in case i woke up. haha.

we talked on the phone on one of the nights. cant rmb when. he was telling me about his past. girlfriends and all. hmm im very glad that at least he bothered to tell me all these himself instead of me finding out myself and getting all the wrong stories. he hesistated alittle before deciding to tell me stuff. =) its alright. as long as its coming out frm his mouth.

met him again yesterday. went to the library before gg to his house. his dog is SOOO cute! haha her name is mimi. keep licking me! sounds disgusting la. but heeh. haha it was fun. saw his parents! omg. i tot it was his sister. cos the mum looked so young! she's only 38? ya. thats like 10 years younger den my mum! wahaha was wondering if it was a shotgun marriage. opps. haha lene la! keep asking. hmm the dad was also very young! haha. not bad looking for his age too. just tt wj is abit cao lao i suppose. haha. but tts good! at least he will look older than me! haha.

i dont deny that im worried abuot this relationship. cos the truth was i did rush into it. we havent really got to know each other THAT well before starting. but i believe if we compromise and all, we will live better. get to know each other along the journey. learn about each other's strengths and weakness. learn to tolerate, learn to compromise, learn to love each other for who we are. yup. i believe. i am falling more for him as the days pass. i really dont want to lose him at this point. but i cant be selfish. i AM gg into uni in like 3 wks time, staying in hall. time spent with him will be limited. and i dont want that to affect our relationship. not at this point when we have just started out tgt.

hes a little shy la. and quiet. i have to accept that. cos there's nothing i can do but to slowly try to open him up. haha. he's basically a nice person. i might sound abit chatty to him. haha. i dont wan to remind him of his ex. but somehow, she will alwyas pop up in my mind. i dono why. i will keep thinking am i as good as her? like i pei bu shang him. she's very pretty, slim, tall, plays vb. hmmm i dono la. mayb i think too much. but she seems to be everything that im not. haha i have to try to be more confident. someone give me the confidence that i need please?

[[ . ]]* |11:51 AM|

OMG the camp was vv fun! hahaha. it was unexpected. and i dont regret joining the camp. the freshies were great, the councillors and seniors were even better! everyone was so 'on' and we all hit it off when we met. the experience was really good and enriching. =)

first day, met at bouna vista mrt station, met the grp members. talked along the way. at nus, ice breaker games. then we had some land games. some bonding bttw us alr. the games lasted the whole day. haha. den it was dinner and Secret Pal night. we were blind folded and had to talk to our SP. omg mine was CANNOT MAKE IT. he brought 9 underwears!! wtf. like who brings 9 undies?! and he's a guy mind u. haha. *faints even the seniors fainted! hahaha and he didnt want to stay in hall cos he misses his papa and mama. -_- wadever. ok aft tt was mysterous night. we were blindfolded the whole 3 hours?! and had to complete stations. haha. it was disgusting cos the seniors covered us in starch! and we had to do stupid things la. but overall, it was fun. it was something new, something tt ive nv tried b4. mus reli give it up to the organisers. so we spent the night trying to wash the starch off. yucks!

second day, cant rmb wad we did in the morning la. but in the afternoon, it was pool games. i didnt get to play cos i didnt have my swimsuit and i had my period. how nice. bleah! but im sure the group had lots of fun! ruoxuan didnt play too cos she had her period too. gals are just so troublesome. arghs. then it was dinner and SP night again. my SP is a total geek and loves computer?! hahaha. wtf. we don reli have anything to talk about. there was one point where he was talking and i fell asleep. wahaha. den i blurted out 'green tea'! i think he got shocked. heeh. the programme aft tt was 'fright night'. there was also afew stations for us to go to. and a story line to tell. we were in pairs. i partnered kenny. i thought will be with kang! wahaha. cos kang and i have been partnering each other for most of the games. lol. anyway. it was really scary for some. i was screaming like shit. esp the one in the tunnel. the atmosphere was damn good and it was very well done! =) *cheers! tt ended the day.

3rd day, we had our amazing race. we had to travel ard the town area. walked frm orchard to somerset, to dhouby ghout, to funan, to suntec, to bugis. wah liao. it was reli exercing day for us man! haha. the whole thing took the whole afternoon. we reached nus at 7 plus. then it was SP night AGAIN. this time, it wasnt fun at ALL. i got offended man. to hell with my SP. we were trying to talk abt things la. but we really had no common topics! so in the end, tt bastard said, wo men zhen de mei you common topics leh! wo hen xiang qu tu xue!' fuck man! wad the hell?! cant be bothered abt him. bleah. tt night was like shit. we had to come up with a dance to perform the next day at chinablack. haha. i was half asleep then. could be bothered much.

4th day, couldnt wake up. everyone thought i fainted. hahaha. opps. sorry guys! hahaha. anyway it was sentosa day! yeah! water games the whole day frm morning to mid afternoon. it was more fun then the shears camp! nothing can compare to this man. went back to nus in a lorry! so cool! wahaha. my first time in a lorry! went back to prepare for the night. everyone was dressed damn well la! and i felt like i was underdressed. haha but who cares! before tt was the SP revelation. the guys very cham lor. got made fun of. haha. aft tt, we headed to chinablack for our dinner, WITH our sp. u know wad? i forgot his name alr and i cant be bothered much. bleah. chinablack was fun la. i liked it lots. as in the people there were nice. oh, and guess wad? my group won the dance competition! omg we almost fainted! cos we didnt think we were tt good! mayb cos ours was special and the music was different. haha. well, we won anyway. drank abit and was seh lor. haha went to the dance floor and havoc. omg i didnt know i could even dance, if u call it dancing. i was just moving along to the music! went for prata aft tt. so diaoz. haha. we're forever eating prata lor. -_-

5th day, break camp. went to marche for lunch. den i met him. haha.

ok, summery alr . i dono wad to write. just wanted to jot down the events tt happened. not in detailed though. heeh. =)

[[ . ]]* |11:13 AM|