hmm lets talk abt the zoo trip first. hahaha it was FUN! =) not bad la. but the rain was a total spoiler. i hated it! made me and him hide under the shelter for more than an hour! arghs. we took over a 100 pictures! omg. so rubbish. stupid shots and all. i was surprised that he actually wanted to take photos! hahaha. but ya. it was really not bad! =) dont want to elaborate. haha

talked to sl online on sunday. big mistake. but then again, part of me was happy. he saw my display pic and asked if tt was my bf. i said yes. then he said'somebody missed the chance'. i was like WHO! he didnt reply me aft tt. so i told him to give me a call if he had time. i guess i had things to tell him. ok, he called at night and we talked for 2 whole hours!!! which seemed like only 20 min! time always flies when i talk to him. i dono why. haha. i look at it as a good sign.

talked about alot of stuff. like why he so bo chap me, why did he ignore me, why did he sound so sian when replying to my msges and all, blahblah. call me niave, but i choose to believe wad he says. i guess the image i potray him to all my friends were very bad. but the fact is that he is not that bad. really. he's a very nice person. just tt during tt period, he actied like a villian. haha. i choose to believe him cos i felt tt he was sincere in some ways. i told him tt the 2 months were like hell for me. and that when i was talking to wj, i did tell him abt sl. den sl said, don mind me being bold, but was i the reason u rushed into the r/s? i thouhght for a while and said, partly. which was true. we talked about alot of things. and he said that he felt guilty abt himself. he thought tt i wasnt the kind who rushes. i mean i AM NOT. but he was just not giving me any direction! like giving me sian replies when i msg? i dont like it. it reli sucks. and tt now he diesnt want to be the 3rd party to come and break us up. even though he knew he could. i was like wtf when he said tt la. but nvm..

he made an analogy about us. we were both travelling at 60km/h, suddenly he zam brake, i accelerated, he couldnt catch up. ya.. so thats wad happening now. another one was tt a boat could only hold 2 persons. me and him were the 2 at first. den he alighted. wj boarded. and he's stranded. he doesnt want to make the boat sink. haha i was laughing when he said tt. but hmm. hahah. he told me tt he told his mum last time that on his 21th bdae this yr, there'll be another person to cut the cake with him. u know, i always thought that the person would be me. how nice right. i still am hoping. but ya, i think its no point. then, this time, he was gg to tell his mum, ma, ta you nan peng you le. wo tai chi le... i felt xin suan. shit. like why did i rush into the r/s with wj? i only knew him for 3 days before we got tgt! omg..

ok fine. wj is a very nice and caring person. but how long can we last? i dont rlei see us gg far. u cant blame me for looking a little ahead now right? im almost 20! and i have to think for the future. not just short term few months. if its the few months, ok, i can see myself with wj. but for the following years? im not sure. what i know is that i would have a much better future with sl. or will i? hmmm. i dono. but his thoughts and actions are what i like and can relate to. which is good. he's just like another lene, jo, kl to me. talking to him is nv boring and he always keeps me entertained! he's more experienced and more matured in a way. really. not tt i want to compare. but sometimes i feel that wj is alittle to childish. in his thoughts? i dont know.

i talked to lene abt this whole shit 2 nights ago. she's supportive in a way. cos i told her tt sl said tt he will wait. i want to see how long he will or can wait. its also like a test of his sincerity? hahaha. i dono wad im talking about now. i just need someone to knock some sense into me and wake me up. can we turn back time? i really want to go with sl. oh ya. he said he will meet me tonight aft he books out. but i guess he will put me aeroplane again ba. haha. not surprising. i told him that. he asked me to trust him. *thinkshard* haha. i really want to meet him, to know my feelings once and for all. whether i like him or not. whether we can click as well face to face like when on the phone, whether the attraction is there. if i have met and yes, i do like him, den he can be 'back up'. mean i know. but he was the one who said tt he can wait! haha. ok, then if i dont like ( which is highly unlikely), then too bad for both of us.

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2 nights ago, wj went nuts. he was like shd be let me go or not. cos i have too many activities planned up and ltr have no time for him. and i always have to ask him if i should go for this or that. he thinks tt he's tieing me down. hmm sometimes i think he does. but thats not the point. cos i did make the effort to at least meet him or sth. i know if it was ken, i couldnt be bothered much ok. but he has to understand tt i cant go out as i would like to and tt my parents are just damn bloody strict. then he kept saying that he was complicated and all. struggling everything himself. then i said, thats where ur gf comes in right? like to help u and all. tt dumbdumb said that no one will ever understand him. arghs. i feel like boxing him! hahaha. but ya. i dont want him to feel like tt. its not nice and he got frustrated with himself cos of that. that he couldnt put his point across to me. i asked him to think simple. talk about it. he said he would rather type cos he's afraid tt the words will come out the wrong way. fine. i was at the stupid comp until 330? he made me cry. and he's the first guy who ever made my cry. ok, mayb not CRY cry, but tear. shit man. then the next day, he said sorry. sorry that he said all those to me. and that he loves me. alrights. once is enough. i dont wan to go thru this again. he shd be mature enough to think about it. i donwan to keep telling him, keep reassuring him. thats one thing i know sl wouldnt do.

conversations with sl was so different. we really talked about anything under the sun. he's chatty like me. he said he was shy. haha i laughed man! also, its difficult to find someone whom u can really click with. that i have to agree 100%. i feel very comfortable talking to him. everything just seems to fit in place. ya. nvm . wait till i meet him first.

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