just got home not long ago. went to the singapore america school or sth.. for a vball friendly match. we lost 3 sets but trashed them the other 2. i don think mr tam was very happy with our performance. but at least im happy with mine. haha i could spike and recieve slightly better. and when i spiked, i earned points. =) not bad. haha. then we stayed back to watch the guys play. left about 4. took a bus back. 966 was damn fast la. but i overslept so looped at marine parade before i alighted. haha.

met some sec sch frens for dinner last night. haha basically, everyone looks more or less the same. lol. had dinner at cafe cartel. haha its nice and all la. but it was expensive man! haha. well, i enjoyed it much. talked and laughed like no body's business. it was really fun. sec sch days are the best. me, anli, siyun, jingting, yilin, bobby, weijie, chuanming, khoimun were there. more or less the same few people. but thats not the point. haha at least we still squeese in the time to meet. =) love them all.

nowadays i feel that living in hall is actually not as bad as i thought. maybe its cos i have made friends like lydia, zhaoxiu and nicole. its actually fun u know. the way we talk rubbish and laugh out loud like crazy nuts. and being on the same frequency. they are more or less the people who helps me make hall life seems more meaningful. theyre really sincere and kind people. i enjoy spending time with them. haha. =) thanx people. though i know they wun get to see this. haha. but im happy. yup.

well things are not looking too good for me and hiim cos of me la. im the cause of everything. i told him that im not happy. as in i want more time for myself, he said tt he's not taking up much of my time and only msges me in the morning, afternnoon and night. isnt that like the WHOLE day alr?! wtf. anyway i talked to kailin last night about this thing and about sl. it made me feel muchbetter. thanxs darling! i really appreciate wad u did for me though u had like a lab report to rush out. thanx gal. =) love ya! haha. ok im nuts.

dont rlei want to repeat what i told her la. but it made me clearer what i want in the r/s. he's not the kind for me. i will end it when i can. but ya. i dont wan to hurt him. however, love is selfish. definately someone will get hurt. soon ba soon. i hope. haha. he's a nice person. but just not my kind. i asked her after knowing me for so long, and aobut us, does she think if he's the guy for me. she said, not really. i guess i just dont want to face reailty. trying to push any problem that arises away. damn. that is so my kuan. trying to avoid everything. what to do?! wj sounded quite pissed last night on the phone. cos he has no idea what this dumbass here wants. too bad for him. i dono la. my heart is not totally with him. wad about sl? another asshole.

im suppsoed to be at his birthday party now at changi aloha. haha. i msged him asking him to have fun. and tt i know he'll def have fun with or without me. meet when free.
well, he nv reply. im not reli execting a reply though. just well. i thought he will WANT me to go. apparently, he doesnt bother. hurts. but wad can i do? haha oh ya, kl oso said tt she's feels very bu zhi de for me whenever i tell her about sl. im just silly enough to always believe what he says. like what lene says, words are cheap. fine. but i cant help it. mayb its cos of the fact that i havent seen him b4. the 'want' to see him face to face.

its so unfair to wj. but wad the hell. i feel tt being single is still better. no worries. just let guys come after you. and enjoy the attention ? haha. okok im sounding abit dumb. but which gal doesnt want to be chased after?

girl, time to wake up frm ur dreams.

i have been telling myself that 5 months ago. i cant seem to get out. i am still trapped inside my own beautiful dream. no one can wake me up but myself. maybe i dont want to wake up. maybe i want to live in it. =)

i want to believe that it will come true.
i want to trust what he says.
i want to ...

im living in denial

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