life in short - sucks like shit

whatever. im trying to be happy. i really am. pls don mind me sometimes when im quiet or stoning. i feel that being in a r/s is a total waste of time for me. it sucks. period. whatever. esp having a bf whos on a diff freq as u are. argued with him online. cant help but feel dman sian whenever i see him online. maybe its cos i havent seen him in a long time thats why. but then again. i dont want to see him. the cycle is repeating itself. it happened with kenny. we broke up aft 2 wks of not seeing each other. HAHAHA. -_- great right? but one thing's for sure, wj treats me damn well. he's too good a guy. mayb he will find someone else better who appreciates him more than i do. and its not even the 3rd month. soon. mayb we will cross the 3 month line? haha. ya right. we'll see about that. >.<

sprained my damn ankle yesterday during bball trng. how great was that?! went to chinese sinseh this afternoon. much better now, but it still hurts. i hope it gets better soon. really. =) pray for me.

feeling nostalgic now. i miss my grandma. kl told me tt her fren passed away last month and no one knew. hmm and tt he didnt know tt there were ppl caring for him. im afraid of that happening to me.i know it will one day tt my everyone will pass on. but i want to be beside her. i want to be beside them. i am someone who cant take sadness. i admit. i am a running tap. hard to believe that someone like me can or will cry so much? ya thats right. thats me. i will cry nonstop. i cry when i watch a movie, read books, thinking of something sad, too angry to think, ppl accusing me of sth, blah blah. crybaby right. haha. some people will laugh. i dont care. i dont cry in front of people. i hide my tears. few have seen me cry. surprised? what ever. i might appear strong. keyword? MIGHT. yup. but i will be strong.

sl sent me his photos. hmmm doesnt reli look like him. haha he doesnt look as good as wj or ken. but i have no idea why am i nuts over him. i think im blind. totally. he's not tall, he's not shuai. i think its just his glib tongue ba. i think im just plain silly. haha laugh laugh laugh.

thanx lydia for taking such good care of me. =) really appreciate it lots. cos u will nv know wad kind of ppl there are in hall. as in they might or might not care. haha thanx.
now im resting my leg on this drawer under the table. i pulled it out. haha. resting leg on cushion oso. see! wad i bought frm IKEA doesnt mean its useless! hahaha. it can be put into great use! =) and the height is just nice. can shun bian stretch. feeling so shuang. haha. =) im nuts. hope it gets better.

planning to watch the lingest yard with the lvl 6 gals. but dono if they can make it or not leh. me and nicole wants to. lydia can, but sab and zhao having blk comm mtg leh. shit. hmm we'll see about that. haha =) i havent watched a movie in a long time. the last show was charlie and the chocolate factory!! haha i feel old.

theres going to be a CAC mtg tmr. i hope it goes well and not suck like shit. haha. i hope i do my job well. wish me luck. part of me don reli want to bother. but i know i have to. haha. help!!!

he was online the whole day but didnt bother talking to me. i always tell myself to wake up. but somehow i m still dreaming. *slaps face*

i want to be happy.

i hope i can be.

[[ . ]]* |10:24 PM|