sometimes i think i should just shut up and keep quiet where ever and whenever. i dont care. i dont want to. damn it. fuck. what ever. i think i am too noisy, talk too much unnecessary stuff, laugh too loudly, blah blah. sometimes i wonder why i laugh when it is not funny. is it because i want to make things better, make the mood lighter? WHAT? why do i even fucking laugh.

i think i should just go back to my secondary school days where i am that quiet girl, whom everyone thinks is fierce. with such a black face like mine, who wouldnt think that way right? be anti social, just be by myself all day. mug the whole bloody day away, get good grades, get a good job and end with it. so no life right. haha who cares.

then again, i wonder what if one day i die, who will cry for me, who will be sad for me. who will even bother that i am not there already? will they even notice?

dad - oh one less daughter to feed
mum - one less person to nag at
2nd sis - one less person to fight with
3ed sis - one less sister to argue with
friends - do they even care?

i really wonder why am i even on earth, breathing in its air. i feel like i am wasting it. maybe i am. i should just die. and occupy one less room in shears hall.

is my existance on earth really so small that it might as well be done away with?

i sound so pathetic. maybe i am just pms-ing. then again, maybe i AM that pathetic. haha. i really want to laugh at myself.

i should just hide myself away in a corner where nobody would notice this gir.

hiding in my shell. i should just live IN it.

[[ . ]]* |11:30 PM|