hai.. i havent been doing much since thursday except read a STORY BOOK and did math lab in like 10 minutes?! hahaha. i just anyhow choose. damn it. some people said that it was damn easy. damn it. i am so dead.

somehow i cant feel the motivation that i am supposed to have. why?!
i guess its just me.

supposed to go to the national library to study tmr after my dental sppointment. haha suddenly dont feel like going. i am afraid that i cant concentrate and dont feel like doing anything. it would be damn bad if it happens man. hai. LIM CEN YING!! wake up NOW!!!

just now my daddy told me that his colleagues asked him to convey their message to ask me to work harder. i KNOW i have to work harder. i did put in effort. i really did. then he said if i dont know anything must ask him. ok fine. i know i have to and i will. anything to pull up my super duper pathetic cap score. fark the system. i really hate it. dont see my friends at NTU like that. they said i would be doing much better with them in NTU instead of the super high NUS. sigh.

i told him i was afraid. i have failed once. the fear is inside it. it really cant be helped. seriously. i mean if u have failed once, u MIGHT just fail for the second time right? haha. i am trying not to feel like that. but sometimes things just happen. and its beyond your control. before i left the room. i told him,

its not that i have not put in any effort. but sometimes, the results dont reflect HOW MUCH effort i have put in. it is really demoralising.

i wanted to cry while i say this. i really want to pass. i have to. if i kana kicked out. i will have no face. my family too. especially my daddy. since he had put so much hope into me being a mechanical engineer. just like he did when he was in uni.

just too bad the 'smart' genes didnt get into me. he will turn it into a joke and siad that my mummy's genes had neutralized it. haha =) but still. the point is that i suck. i really suck.

sigh.

jiayou ba cenying. i have to have faith. =)
staying in hall next week and i MUST study! i will.

someone give me hope.

let me see light at the end of the tunnel.

[[ . ]]* |12:34 AM|