offically 20 years old. feeling so old already. no longer a TEEN. haha.

yesterday, charlene and kenny came over to celebrate with me. they gave me a bottle of 100ml perfume!! ahha. and of cos a cake. =) it was nice. i was pleasently surprised. havent seen charlene since new year and kenny since last year. one year passed so fast i have to say. they usual fooling and joking around. lol. feels comfortable with them. took some photos. will post them up later. haha im lazy. but really. it feels nice to be around good old friends.

going to cut hair at kimage with wj tmr. haha must use up the 40 bucks voucher. but i wana highlight my hair! haha. well. cut first.

below is just some rantings.

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my grandma was admitted to NUH yesterday morning. on my birthday. =( i wanted to visit her yesterday but she wanted me to study. and asked me to visit her today. which i did. when i stepped into the room, i thought i had stepped into the wrong room. but it wasnt.

what i saw really tore me apart. i had not expected what i saw to be what it was. her body was poked with numerous tubes. and on her face was an oxygen mask. it wasnt a normal oxygen mask mind you. it was a special kind of mask which covered the whole face, and within the mask, there was a rubber lining which was 'stuck' to the face. which was to prevent oxygen from escaping. the valcro taped around her head. and whenever she breathed in, the mask will like get 'sucked' in, making her face scrunge up. and she said 'tia', which means very painful. i didnt know what to do. because i couldnt do anything. i didnt even dare to touch her. i just wanted to sit there and cry. the scene was really heart wrenching.

i was alone at first cos my dad was outside on the phone. i really wanted to sit there and cry non stop. but i held it bad. i felt so helpless. seeing her in pain. damn it. i dont know what to do or say. nothing can really express what i am feeling. i just want her to get well and come home. but mummy said that this time, dont think that she'll be coming home that soon. sigh. im even considering bring my stuff there to study and accompany her during the lunch time visiting hours. but i dont think anything will go in. i will just sit there and stare at her.

i want to be strong. but im weak. haha. sounds stupid right. but ya. please let me have the strength to go through all these. please.

i know sheng lao bing si is a natural process. but i just dont want to accept the fact that she's old already. can i not..

i really hope she gets well soon. SOON. sigh.

[[ . ]]* |11:00 PM|