ya please continue to nag and scold me. just do it.
im already 20 years old and im still so restricted. what the hell. i cant go out, i cant talk on the phone, i have to study NOW or during any of my free time, blah blah blah. wth?! come on. im OLD enough to know what i am doing. if i had wanted to be 'bad' i would have been long ago. why wait till now.

i cant go out. i cant stay out late. i have to be back about 10 plus latest. i cant go out everyday. ok thats abit too much. but when i say i havent gone out in a week, she'll say,'so? its only a week. must you go out?' come on. i have friends. i have a boyfriend. i have a life.

cant talk on the phone?! what the hell?! it just so happens that EVERYTIME you come by, im on the phone. and when im not on the phone, where are you?! talking to my friend whom i havent seen in months, one hour is considered long? please. i have been on the phone for many hours at a stretch. i can pay the bills if u want to. talk on my handphone is also not allowed when i have free incoming AND my friend is calling me. its FREE. i dont have to pay a single cent.

HAVE to study now. i said i will. im old enough to plan. i have a plan drawn out for myslf. and you people think that the ONLY thing on my mind is to go out with my friends. great! its not like i dont give a damn about my studies right. i said i will means i will. the more you ask me to study the more i will NOT touch my books. seriously. doesnt mean shouting and naggings will make me move. i hate it.

when i say im jealous of others who are close to their mums. im serious. they can talk about anything under the sun to their mum, complain about everything, consult them on boyfriends, discuss about life, joke around and even go shopping with them! why is mine not? when i try to strike a conversation, it always ends up with her saying, hmm or ok la. comments please? i dont even want to tell her i have a boyfriend. and shopping, i cant buy stuff unless i need them. i cant get anything. or anything that i want is not nice or not worth it since i have so many of them. sigh. shopping is supposed to be fun. and i always end up saying, 'next time just give me the money. i will get them myself.'

why do i feel so restricted?

friends ask me out, i say its too late. i cannot make it.
then they'll say, huh but ure so old already still cannot go out ah.
ya pathetic right.

and what about my boyfriend? when he wants to bring me out somewhere at night. i cant go. why? cos i have to be home about 10. i always feel bad about not being able to go out as often as i want to, stay out late but reasonably late, just to spend more time with him. but i cant do any of it. i cant go out. i have to be home. i always tell him the same reason. maybe he's sick of hearing the same thing over and over. sigh.

i feel pathetic.
maybe i AM patheic.
maybe that why i feel that hall is like an escape.

trapped

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