ive always wondered. what's the purpose of a blog.

to me, its supposed to be a place to write my thoughts. happiness, sadness, joy, frustrations, irritatedness(if there's such a word), blah blah. just ya, a place for one to write about their life and what they feel. and for others to know you. in a way.

but its ironic at how i have to filter my thoughts even though the temptations to pen down everything is great. the thought of hurting someone, the thought of causing unhappiness, stops me.

of cos we would blog about our happiness. i know i always do. haha. but then again. sigh. when something sad happens. it will just be kept within me.

personal insults. HAHA. hmmm. ya nothing to say.

im blabbering again. but sometimes dont u wonder what the purpose of YOUR blog is for?

AIYAH

someone thinks that he/she is always the one getting hurt by others. that no one appreciates what he/she does for others. yup. great! i dont know what to say to that person.

giving that person away. yup. my fault. thanks alot. im always seen as the one getting the person into trouble. so everything i do is to 'degrade' the person even further. thanks.

always, the person thinks that everyone else is picking on the person. ya thats what the person thinks. doesnt the person consider about other's life. so the person feels that the person is being treated unfairly?!

THEN WHAT ABOUT ME

so i am being treated fairly? i study hard, i did my best during the examinations. but whether it gets reflected in my grade is another thing. if i FAIL again, im OUT. ya so i admit that i didnt study properly in the past. SO WHAT. my dad keeps telling me that is ok if i cant make it again, i can study else where. hahaha. ok fine. maybe he does mean good. but i know if i dont make it again, im going to throw his face. why? cos he's smart but his daughter is otherwise. great! im smiling like an idiot now. his colleagues are concerned. i do appreciate their concern. i mean, ive seen them since i was like in primary school? can say that i 'know' the admin office aunties and some of the uncles since young. sigh. disappointment. there's nothing much i can do now.

then comes the boyfriend part. im sorry weijie. sorry to drag you into this. sorry. but my family is not as open as i wish it could be. its always about you. ahma and daddy telling me CONSTANTLY, dont go with that BOY. dont meet him. why are u still with him.
wtf. what BOY. he has a name ok. so what if he's in poly. younger than me. i know im SUPPOSED to get a boyfriend who studies in the same standard as me. but have you considered that maybe your daughter is not going to make it too? what is so bad about poly. he treats me well. im happy. you said you want your daughter to be happy. ok i am. but i cant have him as a boyfriend. why? cos he's not studying in a university.
have you thought about what lies beneath the happy face. everything i do is wrong. maybe i am.

im supposed to stand up for myself if im right. thats what you have taught us. but when i want to say something for myself. that i do not think that i was in the wrong. it is being looked upon as talking back. GREAT. i love to talk back. i love being rude. sometimes i get scolded for nothing. for something that i didnt do. but i just keep quiet and tolerate. fine maybe to you guys i AM in the wrong, for whatever i didnt do.

to my sisters im just a hot tempered bitch who shouts at them whenever i get the chance to. ya! i love being such a nice sister. what goes through their thick sculls. when people call them, they dont answer when OBVIOUSLY i know they can hear. i shout at them asking why didnt they answer. when i say something, i expect a response. they dont give me one, i'd scold. its basic manners to respond to the person who is taking to you. so DO IT! i hate it especially when they dont respond to ahma. they'll get hell from me.

exams have just ended and i am already fretting about my future. stressed that i cant do the paper before exams, stressed that i cant pass after the exams. i dont think i will get a day of peace until i get my final results. just hit me with it. i think my heart is able to withstand the blow. its numb. even looking through the SIM website. haha.

my future is bleak.

and to the people who keeps asking me stupid questions.
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH FAILING A MODULE. IM JUST NOT AS SMART AS YOU OK. CAN?! i hate it. F. who wants to get a F grade. especially when you're in university. I HAVE GOT 3! i freaking failed failed failed. i dont think it is something to be very ashamed about. fail then fail la! retake if its a pre-requsite la! dont give me the stares and that look on your face like, 'huh come uni and fail ah'. maybe i am over reacting. cos im quite agitated now. some of them mean well. fine ok. but dont hide it cos i can tell.

people keep comparing about their CAP. and what do i do? just keep quiet. or maybe one day i should just shout it out, HEY I FAILED LEH! EXCITING NOT. i bet those people will just faint. haha. evil. sigh. i know that students come in to get the best grades that they can. i can understand that they feel disappointed when they dont reach their target. thats why i keep quiet. i should just stop dwelling on my failure and concentrate on getting on with my future.

i just dont like whatever is going on in my life now.

i will try to be happy.

try.

[[ . ]]* |5:30 PM|